Thursday, 24 August 2017

#236 Unconditionally Guaranteed

According to everyone who matters 2017 has been the Year of Disappointing Festivals.  Have you missed out on Hope and Glory, YNOT, John Cale at Liverpool Docks, Boomtown, Sunfall? Worried that you have no stories of 6 hour queues, invasive bag and body searches, delays, overpriced lager, overflowing portaloos, whining hipsters, poor sound quality, headliners cancelling at the last minute?

Then the Unconditionally Guaranteed Festival is for you. Build up your own stock of war stories. Long queues - guaranteed! Overpriced food and drink - guaranteed! Annoying children - guaranteed! Cancelled headliners - guaranteed!

Not all its cracked up to be.
Guaranteed to disappoint.
Last year's festival made Dismaland look like Weston Super Mare

As ever it's going to be a great Bank Holiday weekend in Tickleford Gully.  On Friday evening a new French restaurant is opening, then there's Tickleford fete.  Wrap up the weekend by getting up and getting down at Unconditionally Guaranteed.

update: Unconditionally Guaranteed Cancelled
A Spokesman said "in deference to the bands, who can suffer PTSD caused by the poor turnout, and the audience, who suffer from all we have to offer, not to mention the amazing Festy Staff, who give and receive hours of abuse, we have decided that we can save everyone a lot of time by cancelling in advance".